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Sensative Zara and Impatient Mummy February 14, 2007

Posted by Zara's Mama in language, parenting, Zara.

I have more patience with Zaria since she’s still so little, but very little patience with Zara.
Zara’s language ability and maturity makes us treat her like a 4yr old, and we assume she should behave like one (our fault!).
I keep reminding myself that she’s only two plus and we shouldn’t expect too much from her. She still needs lots of cuddling and time with us. I always feel so sorry when I loose my patience with her.

She’s crying so much these days, always expecting to see me next to her when she wakes up from her sleep.
When people come to the house bringing gifts for Zaria, the moment she spots the gift, tears will well up in her eyes.
For a month, she has kept her diaper dry almost daily/nightly (only the occasional “I forgot” situations). She does both her big and small business on the toilet bowl; ONLY wants me to help her and cries when she has to go to the toilet badly but I’m not able to assist her.
She asks me to carry her constantly, and when I can’t, sometimes she cries too.
If I’m nursing Zaria, she wants me to hold her hand at the same time.

Yesterday, when I was changing Zaria’s diaper, Zara wanted to be carried.
I said impatiently, “Zara, let mummy finished changing mei-mei first ok?”
For a while she was quiet, then she started crying.
Daddy asked her what happened, did she fall down etc.
She said in between her sobs, “Mummy don’t sayang (Malay : love) Zara any more”
Aiyo.. it broke my heart to hear that and I have to stop what I was doing, gave her a hug and reassured her that I love her very much. I also explained to her that because meimei is still small, I need to spend a lot of time nursing her and changing her diaper, since Daddy can’t do these (Daddy is totally hopeless with new born). I told her when I’m done with all these, I’ll spend time with her. Then the below conversation took place.
Me : “Why Zara think mummy don’t love Zara any more?”
Zara : “Because mummy always smack Zara”
Me : “Huh? Mummy long time never smack Zara already woh. (yeah, yeah, I used to smack her, but I tried not to these days, and have not been doing it)
Zara : “Because mummy always scold Zara”
Yup! I do, I scold her often because I always loose my patience with her.
Me : “Ok, ok. Mummy say sorry yeah. Mummy try not to scold Zara any more ok?
Zara : “And Zara be good girl.”

Today, after nursing Zaria, I told her we can go and play with bubbles. She was so happy and said, “Yeh! Mummy finished feeding meimei, now can spend time with Zara already!”

This girl, she’s just so sensative. And me, I really need to be more patient!

Bubble Time

Bubble Time



1. may - February 14, 2007

awwwww, she’ll be a big girl soon, yea? and (unfortunately) like the rest of us, will be a little bit more thick-skinned too, when she’s older… but it’s a good thing, sorta! *grin*

2. laundryamah - February 14, 2007

i think it’s becos she’s a girl..i think i smack kieran more when kylie arrived but he never once indicated to me that i loved him less…

3. L B - February 14, 2007

I wonder if I was just as bad when I was at that age with my Mommy…. Hmm, I wished my Mom blogged…

4. mom2ashley - February 14, 2007

awww…poor thing. i guess she just needs reassurance every now and then now that she is not the only kid in the family now…

5. Annie Q - February 14, 2007

Because last time Zara get all the attention from mummy before zaria arrive ma,now mummy have to share the love between zara and zaria…so she feel a bit left out…

6. Malaika's mummy - February 14, 2007

Zara is quite sensitive. She was the only child before Zaria arrived. It has been only 6 weeks. Give her some time.

7. Vien - February 15, 2007

They do test our patience and she is such a sensible girl. At least she knows she has to be a good girl just so you will not scold her.

8. shoppingmum and kids - February 15, 2007

Actually, I had that little conversation with Justin too, but it’s not as early as 6 weeks. I admit that it’s hard to split myself equally for 2 kids, but we mommies are doing our best.

9. Simple American - February 15, 2007

WHEEEE!!!!! Bubbles! *pop pop pop* 🙂

Hey ZM. Don’t be hard on yourself mommy. You have the toughest job in the world. And two year old critics are very tough. Got to remember a few months ago Zara was the center of the world. And she has not changed that mentality.

Heck. My 15 year old still thinks she is the center of the world. You just got to keep that perspective in mind.

Kids expect parents to be a mind readers. Which is why it is good to have conversations like you did with Zara. If you continue this kind of dialogue as she grows older the teen age years will be a lot nicer. Chatting will just be more natural. Something else kids have to learn. Start early. 😉

10. Simple American - February 15, 2007

Oh Happy Valentines Day for everyone in your house from A to Zs.

11. sasha - February 15, 2007

aiyo..looking at yr situation now…it really makes me think 2,3 ,4 or maybe 10 times before i make another baby!

12. Mum In Miri - February 15, 2007

I remembered smacking No. 1 (she was about 26 mths then) almost every afternoon, during my confinement with No. 2. Somehow i felt No. 1 was purposely making so much noise when I wanted No. 2 to sleep. Or when No. 2 is making big business, No. 1 will also say she wants to do the same. Sometimes she just made me so mad, that I smacked her and i felt so utterly horrible after that. Becoz I was in confinement (as in stay in bedroom all day) No. 1 also stayed in the room with me all day. And you know how irritating that can be. But that was all 5 years ago… time heals and I am sure No. 1 doesn’t remember all that now.

So be patient, it will change as time progresses.

13. RIna - February 15, 2007

your situation sounds exactkly like mine. Because Rowena is so small compared to Harvynna, we look at her like a big girl and expect her to act like one. We forget that she is still a baby herself. I too tend to lose my patience with Harvynna and she really feels it. I keep teling mhyself to be patient but sometimes i just cannot help it. Thats why I try to have Mummy-harvynna times like going for music classes together, reading books together (without Rowena) so she gets that individual attention she is used to

14. nadia - February 15, 2007

I know it’s hard for both Zara and you, but I guess she just needs that little bit of extra attention from you. I know what she’s feeling, because I went through the same! Hahaha..

It’s okay, in time she’ll be better. Take care and Happy V-day!

15. Etcetera~Mummy - February 15, 2007

Don’t worry la.. give Zara some time. Infact she’s adjusting well with Zaria’s arrival. You should be proud. Don’t smack her la.. 🙂

16. Ivy - February 15, 2007

Poor thing… she must have felt lousy but I can feel your frustration too.

Hope things will work out for the both of u.

17. Eileen - February 15, 2007

Damien is behaving exactly like Zara now, even when the baby is not out yet…and Damien is a boy…

I’m sure this is just a passing phase, Agnes. Give Zara lotsa hugs, kisses and assurance and i’m sure things will work out fine! Take care! 😉

18. Jan (My lovely Rays) - February 15, 2007

Give Zara and yourself more time, am sure in time to come, things will turn out better……*promise*

Think it’s really tough for Zara now to have to share her mummy and daddy with another person. Especially mummy since she is so close to you….but once Zaria can respond abit to Zara then eventually Zara will learn to take on her responsibility and be a big sister to her baby sister.

As for you, don’t feel too bad about scolding Zara for her behaviour becos that will be ongoing one….kekeke….now I still lose my patience with Rayner for being nottie. So no matter how old they get, they sure have no problem getting on your nerves.

19. contented mum - February 15, 2007

Reading your post just remind me of what I went thru’ with Qi Ning when Qi Yu first arrived. Now Qi ning is coping better with having a meimei and is a good helper. Everytime when Qi Yu has a poo, she will bring the dusbin, diaper and wipe for me or whoever that is changing for Qi Yu. So she is the official helper for meimei and she is proud of it.

20. milkmaid - February 15, 2007

scaring me lor ….when is a good time to have the second one? Zaria looks very healthy…

21. Irene - February 15, 2007

Ah ha! This is EXACTLY what I’m going thru. Except without words. Hailey is not as articulate.

This too shall pass, yah? 🙂

22. dragonmummy - February 15, 2007

This post reminded so much about myself, it was exactly what happened when WH was still a baby and JS a toddler. It’s better now as both of them are older

Zara looks very matured.

23. babykhong - February 15, 2007

Zara will understand and know that you love her a lot. Hope the situation will get better.

24. sesame - February 15, 2007

Such a sensitive girl. It’s probably normal but as parents, it’s just hard to handle these emotions sometimes. Well, hopefully she’ll become more understanding as the days go by.

25. jean - February 15, 2007

Agnes, it’s tough on you to cope with 2 and with Zara’s growing attention from you, stay calm when handling Zara. It’s also tough on Zara to adjust herself to changes at home. Things will be better, always pray for God’s grace. HE will put everything right.

26. jazzmint - February 15, 2007

she’s def very sensitive compared to my faythe that couldn’t care less…probably u need some ME time with her and she will feel more secured

27. Shannon - February 16, 2007

AIYOH… I read liao also sakit hati….
I guess because she’s the FEMALE clan leh, we female all sensitivity freaks aren’t we? always the affectionate and attention seeker qua…

But I guess what you did was very good wor, like make her understand, then she don’t feel left out…. GOOD WORK!!!

p/s: next time i make baby, i will remember to check back with u on steps to jaga the first kid…

28. mott - February 16, 2007

Sigh…no matter how old the kid..2 or 10 or 20, they will always feel left out when the parent pay more attention to their bro/sis. I think they will only truly understand when they become parents themselves. Until then, do the best you can in your situation and just remain positive!

Hang in there!!!!

29. Immomsdaughter - February 16, 2007

Wishing the impatient mommy, sensitive Zara, cutie Zaria and the MOTH Gong Hei Fatt Choy. Have a great New Year.

30. mott - February 16, 2007

AIKS! Forgot to wish u and your family,

Gong Xi Gong Xi Gong Xi

This year….so much angpow!!!!! GOT TWO NOW!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!

31. cp1 - February 16, 2007

gong xi fa cai .. to both zara an zaria and to mummy and daddy ..

32. grv15 - February 16, 2007

Aaah, she feels so left out. I guess both she and you need more time to adapt to the changes. I experience that too, but luckily the boys got attached to my hubby during these times.. so, they found a substitute..

Happy Chinese New Year to you and your family!

33. michelle - February 17, 2007

Zara needs attention, Zaria needs attention, so when do you have a turn? Poor you.

34. 9393 - February 18, 2007

Happy chinese new year to you and your love one

35. momm - February 21, 2007

oh wow.. it’s been a long time since i last got onto the internet.. zaria’s so big now.. and looks exactly like Zara!!

anyway, don’t stress too much. Zara’s behaviour is so typical of natalie. Natalie would ask me ” would you want to play with me?”, at times she would even crouch at a corner and sob, saying that no one wants to play with her. she knows that we are so busy with no.2 that we don’t have time for her..

well, time flies real fast. #2 is already 6mths now and we seem to have more time in our hands for natalie. (that explains why i’ve finally managed to go online)

you will be fine. take care!

Nat’s mom

36. kwai yoke - February 22, 2007

Ahh.., the insecure period. Try getting the maid help to care for little Zaria whenever there’s opportunity, so that you can have some one to one time with Zara, which she used to enjoy before mei mei came. And during those bonding time with Zara, talk to her that you are still mommy to her, but why some time you need to attend mei mei and cannot come to her. Zara is a very sensible girl, she will understand you are trying hard to make time for her too.

37. Ah Pek - February 23, 2007

wahhh… Mama!! long time I never cum leh. Got new house oso never blanja me!!

Congratulations wor…

38. Samm - February 23, 2007

Hi, how was ur new year with ur 2 girls? Both my boys are driving me insane as usual. I understand what u’re going through right now. Me too, the same thing 🙂

39. allyfeel - March 1, 2007

I guess it’s only normal for her to react that way. Even adults feel jealous sometimes. Just give her more time. 🙂

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