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Update on the girls and child care options February 6, 2007

Posted by Zara's Mama in development, my two girls, parenting, Zara, Zaria.
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Zaria 
At  6 week old, she has established a routine which is very close to the family’s. I thank God for this.
She wakes up in the morning, and entertains herself (I’d seen her kicking her legs quietly in the mornings). When she hears us waking up, i.e. the talking, the foodsteps in the house, she’ll call/cry out to us, to be acknowledged/carried or nursed.
She spends the day in between sleeping and waking. When she’s hungry, she will call out instead of crying. Normally when Zara and myself nap, she’ll also be napping with us or quietly kicking her legs or punching her fists keeping herself occupied.
From 6pm to 10pm, she becomes more demanding and wants body contact; she wants to be carried, or to be on the breast. This is when she cries the most, especially when we put her down. Dinner time is a bit challenging for us with Zara and Zaria both requiring attention at the same time. 
When it’s bed time, she takes light out as a que. After nursing her, and given Zara her milk, lights will be turned off. She’ll quietly lie on the bed, dozing off to sleep.
She gets up once in the night, and another early in the morning to feed. Actually, she doesn’t cry out to be nursed, she just shuffles on the bed; being a light sleeper, I’ll wake up and feed her. (I’m thinking of ignoring the shuffling once she goes pass this week, since Zara stopped waking up to be nursed at 6th week).
Zaria on the tummy

Zara
It has been rather challenging caring for Zara since Zaria’s arrival.
She will have stomach aches when I’m nursing Zaria. She gets into accidents a lot like knocking her head on the dining table while walking, falling down from the sofa, tripping on things etc.
She says things like, “I smack meimei yeah because she’s so naughty.” (when Zaria cries).
“I want to fry kakak until kakak becomes krok-krok (crunchy), and then I (will) eat kakak”
“Kakak you go home to Indonesia loh.”
“Daddy, that’s my bed, go away.”

(she doesn’t use such words with me though)
She cries a lot and the trigger can be something very minute (e.g. Can’t pull out a book from the shelf; I need to be in the study blogging working; she wakes up and I’m not next to her).
In the night, she will stay up until I’d finished nursing Zaria, and wants me to cuddle her to sleep.

We started toilet training her (should have done this before Zaria came). Since last week, she’d only poo-ed in the toilet bowl, and sometimes if she remembers to tell us, she pees in the toilet bowl too. She wants me to be the one who help her with using the toilet and normally have urges to pee and to poo when I’m cuddling Zaria.

Zara using the toilet

Start young with good toilet habit

She wants to be carried a lot, especially by me. She wants me to be the one bathing her, napping with her, brushing her teeth, helping her with the toilet.

Child Care Options
I don’t know how some SAHM does it, handling 2 kids without a maid. I salute them! I’m finding it tough even with a maid. I get so stressed when Zaria needs her feed and Zara gets all worked up and wants my attention too.

I’m cracking my head with child care options after my maternity.
1) Hire another maid
2) Put one of the girls in child care center
3) Send Zara to half day nursery

Tuyam confirms she’ll stop working for us in early 2008. Hiring a maid seems to be a good option since the kids now need most attention. By 2008, Zaria will be 1 and Zara 3, and hopefully things will get better, and we will just need 1 maid (the new one) to handle the kids during working hours and to do the house work.

Parents out there, do you have any suggestions for child care? I’m not as lucky as others, as my MIL is not keen too old to help.

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Comments»

1. may - February 6, 2007

they’re growing up so fast! I can’t remember how old I was when I did my “business” in the proper toilet bowl… I still remember my red potty, lol!

2. Annie Tan - February 6, 2007

Zaria a very good baby hor..Yeah, the big one always call for attention when we’re attending the small one. Always! Hang on there… things will get better as time goes. I don’t think u need to get 2 maids so soon since u r not going back to work so early. I think sending Zara to half day nursery may be a good idea too. 1 to have some quiet time for yourself & baby. 2 Zara can socialize and make more friends. If possible, I’ll avoid putting one child in child care. I would want them to be together… *sigh* I can only say. Actually my kids are separated.Coz my MIL can’t take care of No.2…*sigh*again. I wish they can be together. Can play & fight. *sigh*

3. eve - February 6, 2007

aiyakk…the last sentence macam terkena i…eh ur Zaria is soo good la…Cayden…haihs..dunno wat to say..last night he kept crying, for almost an hr non stop after his feed at 3am..Daddy has the comforter over his head , and i felt like throwing him into the rubbish bin..no not daddy , Cayden…. Then i just left him there to cry himself to sleep…he has been doing this every night…and frankly i m very very tired…

4. jazzmint - February 6, 2007

Zaria is really easy to handle hoh…

I think whenever we have 2 kids, somehow 1 gets neglected which makes me feel bad too. What I do is I try to have ME time with them. It might help in terms of handling Zara maybe?? I see that Faythe is also like that sometimes, only wants me to do it, at times I’ll just let her wait, no choice cause I’m feeding Vyktore. After a couple of time whining, I guess she got my cues.

As for taking care of the kids..hmm..can’t comment much, but if Zaria is easy to handle (eat sleep most of the time), maybe for 1st 6 months, u don’t have to worry bout getting another helper.

5. Yvonne - February 6, 2007

You hv done well establishing a routine for your girls. As for child care options, I am against leaving my baby with the maid.. probably for Zara cos she’s older and much wiser. For baby as young as Zaria (even at 1), I think I wont ‘fong sum’ leh..

6. L B - February 6, 2007

Can fall inside ah? OMG! That looks like Zara needs a safety harness!!

7. sasha - February 6, 2007

by 3 zara can go to playsch.so hiring a maid now..and slowly handover la..

8. Simple American - February 6, 2007

The sibling rivalry starts now. You just have to be reasonable and realistic which a young child will not care for. Remember my kids. Hoo boy. But it works out down the road if they can be friends between quarrels.

I wish I could have afforded a maid back then. Had to find childcare to take care of the kids. And we went through about three caregivers before we were finally happy with one. Good luck ZM.

9. Desperate Mummy - February 7, 2007

Zaria is very good 🙂 and Zara too toilet train already. I also want to toilet train my girl can you give me some tips 🙂

10. the silai - February 7, 2007

I’m wondering…izit a problem because they’re both girls? Are things easier if the first child a boy and the second one a girl?

Zaria sounds like an absolutely lurvely baby to have *kiss kiss*. But at the same time I feel for Zara too *kiss kiss*.

11. Vien - February 7, 2007

I do agree with Sasha; by that time, Zara should be ready for half-day preschool. I wish I have the option to put Belle for half-day but we have to consider our in-laws “freedom”.

12. sesame - February 7, 2007

I would think it’s good to put Zara in a playschool or half-day childcare. She can get to learn something and interact with other children. Getting another maid later in year to learn from Tuyam perhaps but permanently I don’t know how it’ll work out cos sometimes two maids together can give you more problems.

13. Eileen - February 7, 2007

So happy for you that Zaria is such an easy baby! 🙂

As for Zara, i guess it’s just a phase.But i’m always very amused and amazed by the things she said… You know i can see the same traits on Damien when my sis’ baby is at my mum’s place. Damien would be vying for mum’s attention – tummy ache, wants to be carry (he’s too heavy though), cry easily…etc…

I think it’s a good idea too to put Zara in playschool or half-day childcare, kids love company and she’ll get to play with other kids. I’m sure she’ll love it! 🙂

14. fannie - February 7, 2007

Zaria reminds me of Ethyl 🙂

For me, I feel that it’ll be good to put Zara in a half-day care. Full day is too long (unless u have no help). For the time being, u will still need a helper, like some who have said it, I don’t feel very safe too. U used to send Zara to KW’s house with your helper right? Can this still be an option?

15. laundryamah - February 7, 2007

i think a second maid is not a good idea as the new one may not be good influence to your existing maid, this is seen in our households, meaning when my maid meet with mom’s & brother’s maids, also problem leow! Child care like a 3 hour nursery could be a good idea as I sent Kieran to nursery when he turned 2.

16. mott - February 7, 2007

I have a fren who also has two maids. But still she finds the house not as clean as you would think 2 maids should keep. SAHM is different. This SAHM just yannnnn yannnn yannnnnnn, use TV as babysitter and have the occasional screaming match with 2 kids.

but think Sasha’s idea is good idea, also. Since Tuyam is leaving, do a slow handover.

17. mott - February 7, 2007

Did I just write occasional? No..I meant, DAILY screaming match.

18. nadia - February 7, 2007

Zaria’s a very good baby. And Zara sounds like me when I was 6 and my lil’ brother came along. Haha! It’s just a phase. She’ll understand better given time.

Anyway, I think sending Zara to a playschool is a good idea. Keeps her occupied and by the time she gets home, she’ll probably be a wee bit tired. Good luck with whatever decision that you make. =)

19. sue - February 7, 2007

I’m still facing the problem of childcare.. specially since Sutini ran (after 2 years with me, can you believe it?!) I have had one temp (who also ran after 2 months) and currently a 2nd temp maid who is Filipino. Am at my wits end, but ultimately, since our MILs are not “I-wanna-jaga-my-cucus” type, I guess hiring a maid is best. Just that they really need training and getting a good one is damn difficult 😦

But since both your kids are pretty well behaved, you can do with just one maid, just get her asap or like 6 months before Tuyam quits so that she can train her up and the kids have time to get used to the new person. Both my sons took long to get used to the new maid. Er… ok, stop now, blogging in your comment box LOL!

20. babykhong - February 7, 2007

Zaria is very easy to take care horr. That’s good. I don’t have a maid so I’m not very sure about having a maid taking care of children. But I do agree to send Zara to nursery/playschool. I’m thinking of that option too if I can’t handle two at the same time. But a bit ‘sam tong’ to send Brae to the nursery.

21. grv15 - February 7, 2007

Since Zaria seems like an easy baby, you may be able to spend time with Zara now and then.
Don’t worry, it’s normal for Zara to demand that you do everything for her. My sons do that. Once we come back from work, the maid cannot touch them. We must wash them, we must change them, we must bathe them! They just want to feel pampered.. making up for the time that we were not at home..
I find separating Zara to a nursery might make her more jealous of her sister and she migth not like the fact that Zaria spends more time with you and not her. You can manage as the girls grow up..
You will need a maid to help you out with the housework, since you will be occupied with both the girl demanding for attention and work. Two won’t be necessary, I think..

22. Priscilla - February 7, 2007

Zara sounds like she has a lot of frustrations in her. She is probably finding all the changes at home rather overwhelming and might be secretly angry at you. Not intentionally, but just the way young children feel when they are coping with big changes. Having a new sibling is a very big milestone for them. Her words sounded she is angry but instead of saying it to you directly, she said it to her sister, the maid and her dad to deal with her anger. It is all very common, but you must not also give in to any negative attention. Praise, encourage, reassure your love for her when she has done something great, but apply discipline when needed. As both girls grow, things at home shall start to become better. You will find it all different and better again when Zaria is 3 mths and Zara closer to 2.5 yo.
Having 2 kids meant family life is busier, all workload suddenly doubles, but there are also lots of positive things to look forward to. Have faith!

23. ivy - February 7, 2007

wahhh siong leh…. hmmmm shd i go for 2nd one???? must rethink.

you r fortunate to hv such a mild tempered baby

24. my2lovelyrays - February 8, 2007

it seems that the presense of Zaria is taking it’s toll on Zara. But give her lots of time and love, am sure she will be able to adjust to it eventually.

as for the childcare sector, it may sound cruel and heartless but i think it will be better to send Zaria to a infant care because I am worried, Zara will think that you don’t want her because you are sending her away to school and keeping meimei home. You know how sensitive she can be now.

the important thing now is to help Zara to adjust since Zaria seems to be easier and fuss free baby for now!

Be strong for your kids, everything will work out just fine.

25. anne - February 8, 2007

10 out of 10 parents always find having 2 children challenging, and there is no one right way to doing it. Dont have the right answer, but I have a friend that is going to hire a Filipino maid for her children ( 1 is already 3 yrs and the other a few months) and maintain her Indon maid just to clean her home..

26. Allyfeel - February 8, 2007

Zara can be quite demanding eh at this current time. Perhaps hiring another maid is a good option for now. Sending Zara to half day nursery will definitely ease the maid’s loads as well before the new maid arrive.

As for me even my mil is keen to help but I think she needed more rest. I might quit job until no.2 is old enough to be taken care by her again. Bb can be very demanding now as well. He ask me to carry him very frequently and would show tentrum with very minor thing too. But one thing good is now that he is schooling, the maid gets more rest n by the time no. 2 is here, she can help handling no.2+ bb n house work.

27. WMD - February 8, 2007

Reading about Zaria reminds me of RE when he was an infant(my older boy)..the shuffling quietly when hungry or when wakes up earlier than us. However Zara now reminds me of RE a year ago..asking for attention when we have to handle JE. In fact, he still occasionally does that.

Anyway, I think it is best to hire another maid now. Option 2 and 3 at the moment is not ideal…as I am afraid Zara may intepret it wrongly. It’s very delicate moment now. It gives time for the two girls to grow accustome to the new maid and also for the new maid to understand your family. Further, when the girls are older, there will be different set of siblings issue to handle and having a new maid then, would only add on stress.

28. Immomsdaughter - February 8, 2007

U r so lucky, Zaria only wakes up for one midnight feed!!!

My 2 cents is first option to hire a maid. 2nd option to send Zara to nursery. U can tell her she’s a big girl now and have to go to school. I’m against putting a baby with an infant care but an babysitter’s fine. Of course, it’s better if you can let her stay home.

29. KittyCat - February 8, 2007

Will you still be working from home after this? If yes, then hiring another maid sounds better than to put either into childcare now. I do like the idea of sending Zara to 1/2 day playschool if she shows interest and also over the clingy stage. I have a feeling she may like it if you can try her out at one since she’s reading, singing and enjoy lots of activities and socializing it could offer.

Btw, you’re one of my 5 fav Malaysian bloggers! 🙂

30. mom2ashley - February 8, 2007

sounds like zaria is easy to take care of….lucky you! and i think zara is just going through a phase….hopefully it’d pass – soon!:) i think we will experience the same thing with ashley once no.2 is born…

31. Jaime - February 8, 2007

Zaria is a good baby. I wish my girl can entertain herself more. She is such an angel in the day time, but turn mini-monster between 10-12pm.

Oh! Our maid is coming next week. Any advise? Do & Don’t with the maid? It’s our 1st time having a stay-in maid.

32. beestunglips - February 9, 2007

Even with only 1 toddler, I send Isabelle to a babysitter’s during working hours Mon-Fri, and we take care of her ourselves in the evenings and during weekends.

I’m lucky to have my MIL to help care of her when I go on business trips. [one of the advantages of living with MIL who gets along well with you]

Thanks for sharing your experiences with us, I find it useful as we prepare ourselves for baby no 2.

33. miche - February 9, 2007

when i have only two, it is still managable. i kept reminding my eldest that it is her responsibility to help mommy take care of the little ones and not to coz mommy more trouble. so how or rather she understoond and she is such a good jie-jie but my 2nd girl is exactly like zara and i have a very demanding boy. get ur husband to help give zara more attention then. 😀

34. shoppingmum and kids - February 12, 2007

I’m going to enrol Justin in nursery next month. But my maid will also stop next year, so I’ll probably get another maid by the end of the year.

35. Time Flies - Maternity Leave Over « All About Zara and Zaria - March 30, 2007

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