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My Dark Side August 11, 2006

Posted by Zara's Mama in myself, parenting, Zara.
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Every night before I go to bed, I always asked for patience and fairness so that I will be able to give this to Zara (and the coming baby) in her (their) upbringing.

I realised when I’m tired, not feeling well and if I have some misunderstanding with Daddy, my mood is sour, and I will then be a bit harsh on Zara.

When she wakes up in the middle of the night because of a bad dream, and on days when I’m not rested, I would actually grumble loudly to her while patting her, “Please la, go back to sleep la. Mummy also needs rest la.” (I should have just hug and calm her, and pat her back to sleep)

When she’s demands for TV even after she’s just watched a whole Barney show, if my mood is sour, I would tell her a firm “NO! NO MORE TV!” No explanation given. (I should have suggested to her other things to do instead of watching TV)

When she runs around naked after a bath, trying to be playful instead of letting me dress her up, and if I’m in one of those moods, I’ll yank her towards me, and almost shouting, “Don’t be naughty yeah! Quickly, let mummy dress you up!” (I should have explained to her that she should get dress quickly, or she’ll catch a cold).

Get the drift..?

Yesterday, I wasn’t feeling quite well, because I have a bit of abdominal pain (oh well, maybe this was just my excuse). I was giving Zara a tough time.
“Stop splashing water on mummy yeah. Or else you stop swimming!” when she was splashing water in her playful way in her wading pool.
“Hurry up la, get out of the bath now!” during her evening bath, because she wanted to play longer in her bath.
“You tore your book huh? Ok, mummy throw away the book then since you don’t know how to sayang (Malay: Take care) your book.” when she accidentally tore a page out from her book.
“Please hold your cup properly la. Why you keep spilling?” when she drank from her sippy cup and spilled some out.
etc.

In the night, when it was time for her to brush her teeth and get ready for bed. She was making a fuss because I got Tuyam to help her instead of helping her myself.
“Aiya, mummy not feeling well la. Let Kakak do for you.” I grumbled impatiently.
She gave me a reply which woke me up instantly. She said, “Mummy so rude!”. When I asked her what she said. She didn’t dare repeat that, but she said instead, “Don’t want Mummy scold Zara.”.

It quickly brought me to my senses. Why am I being so harsh on her the whole day, or on days when I’m in my sour mood? She’s just being herself like any other days. I felt so guilty.

So I have my dark side too, but I really hope such occasions are rare, and I’m still learning to be patient, if not constantly at least most of the time.

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Comments»

1. blurblur - August 11, 2006

Are you writing about me???

So scary leh, i see myself in this post. That’s how i talk to Damien when i am in a foul mood,a lot of “la”s too, and no explanation just plain NO MORE …Gosh…

Don’t be too harsh on yourself ya? You are ‘excusable’ since you’re expecting, hehe..;p

But i am sure you will be able to give the same kind of attention to Zara and her sibling. You are doing very well my dear. πŸ™‚ *hugs*

2. Hui Sia - August 11, 2006

δΈεŒηš„εΏƒζƒ…ηœ‹δΈεŒηš„δΈ–η•Œε³δ½ΏδΈ–η•Œζ―ε€©θΏ˜ζ˜―δΈ€ζ ·οΌ

You make me suddenly think of my dark side as well, be frankly, i’m more terrible than you…

Haha…be frankly again, i feel less guilty to my son since i know there are some mothers that did harsh to their kids too.

3. LaundryAmah - August 11, 2006

Oh gosh,,,i’m so so so guilty too! I do that to my son all the time.. 😦 i know i shouldn’t but when i’m in foul mood really cannot control ma and he must be naughty during that time summore..

4. Dragonmummy - August 11, 2006

It’s as if reading about myself in your post and I’m ashame to admit that it happens so often to me. The same tone the same wordings, scolding and threathening instead of explanation. Whenever I’m not in the mood (or whatever excuses), JS would usually be the victim that I vent out my frustration. Guilty guilty. Still learning to be patient and control my emotion.

5. Potential Mom - August 11, 2006

isit becos u pregnant now, and the hormone change make u abit sour mood??

hmm…hope zara can understand her mama ler… she wont angry at u lar…

god bless..

6. sesame - August 11, 2006

Sorry huh, but I actually laughed out loud when I read Zara’s reply saying that you’re rude. Zara is such a sensitive child.

It’s good you “woke up” and wrote this. After my confessions post, I realised I toned down a lot and became more aware of Gavin’s feelings. As a result, I’m not so harsh on him even on days when I’m moody. But it still happens of course, but I think there’s an improvement.

Yeah, like you said, it’s a learning process and being more aware is the first step. We’ll all become better mothers for sure.

7. domestic rat - August 11, 2006

Is your work bothering you that you tend to carry your woes back home?

8. MamaBoK - August 11, 2006

Hey..Zara’s mama,
Donch be too harsh on yourself. I am this way too.. when i am tired.. and not rested. On top of working in a demanding job… you are also pregnant.. and plus you take alot of interest.. in Zara.. than i do.. and does alot of things with her. So it is understandable.. why you are edgy at times.. not because you want to.. but because your hormones are all over the place too.
So donch be too harsh on yourself.. ok.. *hugs*… and children forgets easily too.. because they know that their mummy’s love is unconditional. So no worries. .no emotional damage done i am sure.. πŸ™‚

9. Leonard - August 11, 2006

well, dun worry, i think zara will understand, you’re just having an off day.

children tends to forget easily, everything will be back to normal!

relax…have a nice weekend! πŸ˜‰

10. 13th Panda - August 11, 2006

hmmm~ we all have such moody days…sometimes i get cranky too, but i’m getting better at controling my mood now.

11. Gene Lim - August 12, 2006

hey… i did the same thing too… well, don’t beat urself up that bad eh dear.. u r pregnant now.. and all the hormones are acting up..
u should be proud of urself …least Zara being brought up very good!! I give u kuddos for that.. coz there are things i didn’t do it for Ryan..
U need your break… get away with daddy sometimes.. just u and daddy only.
*HUGGIS*

12. Simple American - August 12, 2006

So you’re human. Not perfect huh.

Who is? And kids can help us find our imperfections very quickly or later down the road when parents have inculcated their bad habits into their children.

I think you are blessed as you’re recognizing this now. You have a chance to cut it off and improve Zara’s lot now. And best of all Zara can avoid learning these behaviors from you. It’s tough to do, but I am confident that you can step up and focus on being a better you. πŸ™‚

Recognition of a fault in one’s self is always the first step in improving yourself. You are already a great mom and to think soon you will be even better.

13. kwloong - August 12, 2006

Everyone have those moments but I tend to give my hubby a hard time rather than my children.

michelle

14. 荦怑 - August 12, 2006

your Good patient conpare with me…
i’m more RUDE toward Joelle, eventhought i realise it is giving her very BAD example, but sometime really hard to control….
so your forgiveable.
*sorry lot of wrong word.

Joelle’s Mmy

15. momm - August 12, 2006

oh haha… seem like all of us are going through the same shit. i’m due to deliver anytime soon, and i do recall during this pregancy, i’ve been rather harsh to natalie.

natalie would turn to me with hurt in her eyes and would be about to cry, then i would know that i’ve been rather unfair to her.

seriously, at times i’m just too tired to be patient with her usual whims and fancies and it is really bad of me to scold her for no apparent reason.

hmm… let’s blame it on daddy for not doing more during this period. yeah?

16. Helen - August 12, 2006

Aiyoh, why be so hard on yourself. lol

Don’t think too much about it!! It’s just natural we sometimes need to let off ‘steam.’ I did it all the time… now you’re making me guilty! lol

17. MyLittleChampion - August 12, 2006

dont be too hard on yrself ok? we mommys will have temper too ma.. i also sometimes will loose it but will try to compensate and explain a bit la… but i will try to be more in control, dont want to hurt oscar’s feelings too..

18. jazzmint - August 13, 2006

hey don’t get too worried over this OK. It’s just that sometimes that hormone thing in us is not balanced, that’s why lah…I’m sure they wil understand. Sometimes I’m also like that, esp now that I have 2 kids and if they cry at the sametime, I turn to the dark side

19. Flowsnow - August 13, 2006

I have even darker and evil side. You need to take a `kit kat’ and have a break! It helps. I do that sometimes…..by venting out steam on stuff I enjoy doing. I flare out at my kids too but not fair! Just take a break and let others help out. I am a very evil mother when I am not in the mood! Muhahahahhaha……:D

20. Fannie - August 13, 2006

er…im guilty of this too Agnes 😑

21. Jesslyn - August 14, 2006

When I in bad mood, hubby is my victim..LOL. Last time tend to harsh on the girls but kena lectured by him, so now my target turn to him!…and he is ok with it!

22. Ka Ka and Wa Wa - August 14, 2006

Hey Agnes,

I’m bit slow here.
Congrats to ur new baby!
Everything will be fine. Don’t be too hard on yourself. *hugz*

23. ky - August 14, 2006

Yes, children are very sensitive to parents’ mood swings. They know mommy/daddy is venting frustration or anger to them, and it affects them deeply too.

Yes, patience, calm and love, that’s how we battle that little anger monster inside us.

24. L B - August 14, 2006

My dark side is darker….. *sigh* too much lormaikai.

25. Zara's Mama - August 14, 2006

Thank you all for your comments.. What I’m trying to say here is, it’s really not rosy all the time in the home. We have our ups and downs, and sometimes I just get very affected by my ‘downs’ and this effect may extend to Zara.

I’m conscious this is not right, but sometimes I just can’t control it (although I’m trying very hard to).

I don’t believe it has anything to with the pregnancy hormones, because I’d been like that since Day 1.

And I don’t bring my work problem home. Work is not that critical to me that it can actually affect my moods.

I’m aware of this, and am consciously putting an effort to ‘control’ this temperament.

I absolutely love and adore Zara, and because of this, she’s teaching me to be a better person. πŸ™‚

26. cp1 - August 14, 2006

way to go zara’s mom..i’m sure zara would understand sometimes mommy needs a day off too…i myslef still learning wif baby nellie

27. mumsgather - August 14, 2006

Aiks! You call this your dark side? Its my normal side! Happens to me too often. Thanks for waking me up too. :PpPpP

28. Sasha - August 14, 2006

*sigh* it happens to all “tired” mommy. I think we need a time-out..shopping, spa or something to cheer us up so that we won’t take it out on our precious darling…agree?

29. IMMomsDaughter - August 14, 2006

Guilty guilty here too 😦 Must repent must jot down in my 101 list of things to do πŸ™‚

30. See Fei - August 14, 2006

it is not easy to be a care giver on a 24×7 basis and have to put bread on the table. go easy on yourself.

hope you can find your balance…

31. HMom - August 14, 2006

I had that sort of a weekend too. my own emotions take over me and i take it out on harvynna. I attended a course on EQ before and it states that parents esp have to have an outlet of negative energy as we may take it out on the innocent children otherwise. Easier said than done, though!

32. geetha - August 14, 2006

Opps! This happens to me too.. I guess we do get into our dark side once in a while.
Give us a break.. we handle almost everything.. and we are only humans πŸ˜‰

33. Allyfeel - August 15, 2006

I guess we are not perfect. I did that to bb too sometimes. When I realize what I did, I would quickly give him lots of hugs and kisses and apologise to him. One thing good is he is always very forgiveful. πŸ™‚


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